whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
