I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
