My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just pee around me
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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