oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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