When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
