I just saw a hot homeless man
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
