I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
