Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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