why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My hand turned me down
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
