yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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