lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize