I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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