I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
