someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
