I think my fart just growled at me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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