someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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