my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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