i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize