Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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