haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize