when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
