Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
