pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
