just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I faked an abortion last night.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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