Kiss
Puke
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
