fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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