why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
