If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
