whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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