All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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