I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
