My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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