In the future we'll all be gay
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
