Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
