Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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