well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
