she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
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