i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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