So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
