I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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