Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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