big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
