I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
