Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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