We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
