remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize