its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
