She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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