I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
