Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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