I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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