Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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