So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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