During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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