i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
