So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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