Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
