I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
