you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
