My Higher Power is John Stamos
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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