You're completely useless in the revolution.
Screwed.edu
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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