I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
