I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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