I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
