just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize