You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Randomize
