he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
